American Cars - true Brit�s Eye View by Barb "TrueBrit" Fairhead Being used to driving little Euro-boxes with three gerbils and a wheel where the engine should be, and NO soldiers in sight, I am amazed by the fact that everybody seems to be driving tanks and other military looking vehicles in this country. As for all those fancy colors � bright red, white, purple, blue, black. Great camouflage in the badlands of Bellevue Square (and Redmond Town Center). In the immortal words of Ike and Tina Turner, �Ain�t no mountain high enough, Ain�t no valley deep enough�, for these beasts. So how come they are absolutely immaculate, from the top of their roofs to their tippy tippy tires? What does �off-road� mean, anyway? Levitation? And what about all those cowcatchers and push-bars. Great for getting the kids right up to the school door. Who cares about all those other kids in the way? Why aren�t school parking lots littered with the upturned carcasses of Hummers, Grand Cherokees, Durangos, Suburbans, Rams and all those other SUV�s (WHAT sport? Sumo wrestling?) driven by cellphone, latte-toting mamas? I can�t believe that Mercedes, Lexus and Cadillac are in on the act too. As for all those poncy colored Land Rovers � fair buckles the stiff upper lip. You�d never catch one roaring through the jungles of Africa � in champagne, with white leather upholstery and coffee cup holder. And the original JEEP guys must be lurking about the hereafter, feeling sick as parrots. I�m thinking of making some changes to my Previa. It needs a more aggressive looking grille, with cow catcher, grappling hooks and soldering irons. The back? One of those huge tow hooks should do nicely. As for the hub caps � I�ll borrow a neat design idea from Boadicea, one of our more aggressive queens. Swords on her chariots� hubcaps. Made a bit of a mess of the Roman army. Brought them to their knees, so to speak. But seriously, what�s a poor grrrl to do? Out there in my tin box, fighting for bandwidth, whoops, road room with all those beasts. Off to the car mags I go( OK, all right, Who�s a little trogladite?) And there it is, amidst a sea of bright red stretch Hummers, Mercs, Ford tough trucks, and those �like a rock� things� a little gem� The Saracen APC (Armored Personnel Carrier), a cute little British number. Vintage. A snip at $18,000. Six by six. Original armor-plating, paint-work and upholstery. Seats four adults in front, and ten kids in back. Camouflage green (sorry, no choices). Sun-roof and gun turret (standard); field telephone (standard), coffee cup holder (I�m sure we can improvise). Fuel consumption? Well, darling , if you have to ask, you can�t afford it� Parking? Make your own, anywhere. Visibility? Maneuverability? Minimal, but who cares? I�M TALKING ON THE PHONE!!!